Now I'm going to be real, the "girls" are indeed my thick friends. When I was a fluffy new youngster in the area, they took me under their wings. It felt good, to be around women who didn't judge me for my figure. Because hell, they looked like me! There was a time when we were all pushing 250+. Expected, when they loved fast food, and hated exercising just as much as I did. A clique of enablers who would talk of diets, but settled for high fat lunches, vending machine snacks as the daily routine.
Now I'll say this, I didn't forcefully or deliberately disassociate myself with the "girls". It just naturally happened. My lifestyle is just not in tune with their agenda any longer. I struggled for a long time with not wanting to be the chick who loses weight and starts to "change". Even sacrificing my feelings to not ruffle the feathers of some. I refrained from judging and being preachy and even ceased ALL mentions of my physical changes when we were all together. Ironically, one of them would always be the one to bring it up ...
But the 1st time I said I think I'm going to pass on lunch today (which happened to be Taco Bell) - it hit the fan! "You eat a few salads, lose weight and don't want to be seen with us now?" Feeling extremely GUILTY - I quickly conformed, scared I'd lose my girlfriends at work, for wanting to be ... HEALTHY - silly me, shut up and get in the van ... find the least cal item on the menu, eat and be happy. I'd even put out suggestions of some healthier choices they'd take the offer with reluctance, get there and complain the entire time ... so I just quit. It was obvious that they were unhappy, as was I. I could not continue to deny who and what I wanted to be or suppress the methods in which I wanted to follow ... to ease the minds of others. They didn't deserve a "fake" me.
Now being the more reserved, timid one it was a big step to start saying no. Not to mention they are all 15+ years older then me - so there was the tinge of big sister conviction too ... So, this Summer I'm like we have this lovely 1.5 mile walking trail to our leisure, squaring our building. I'm going to start casually walking, a few days out of the week. I don't need to spend my entire lunch hour, eating. I decided to split it up - started packing my lunch which saves me so much MONEY as well as calories ... and began to walk and we kind of drifted from there.
Now, I still speak to all of them, have occasional catch-up lunches with those who I know have my best interests in mind and support me ... but just aren't ready to take that step with me (which is completely fine). So all's not lost but ... the image that I lost some weight and don't hang with my big girls anymore is only the surface ...
For instance, my new found homeboy Joel (lean, fit, bluegrass music listenin' white boy ... lol ...) who bikes to work 7 miles (weather-permitted) and has never stepped foot in our elevator. He brings in finds from his rural farmer's market for me to try out each week and engrosses me with his daily thoughts on the political spectrum ... I've also become his surrogate proofreader when his girlfriend is busy lol ... as he's going for a Master's too - in TEACHING ... I would have never known so much about him ... but our healthy lifestyles seemed to bring us closer together.
My girl Ashley, a health foodie who has been helping me train for my 1 st half marathon ... since she found out I was going to be a part of it - is always dropping knowledge. And she soooo can, considering she's done like 5 of them and 2 fulls! People like this ignite me now, we aren't all 'eat right exercise' every minute of the day, but having that as an underlining similarity, learning from each other and still getting into debates over whether Obama deserved the Nobel Peach Prize ... is a better medium.
RaShad keeps telling me, you can't make people understand you. You just have to "do you". I don't see it as being flighty, especially when you actually look at the circumstances. They say people are in your life for seasons. The changes I've made, simply don't permit me to do the same things or hang with the some of the same people.
What's funny is that, I've been through this social shift before! Yep, when you're 1 of the few out of the hood to actually graduate high school first off, not get pregnant and go to college and graduate AGAIN ... lol ... you're an automatic stand out. When I came home from school, some relationships ended. I certainly don't think I'm better than anyone, we just weren't on the same path anymore. Some were still focused on clubbing, staying into trouble and drama and I was ready to start my career ... no hard feelings - still my girls to this day ... but people change.
You know really, maybe I have changed ... but that's the point right? ~PC